It’s a brand new year.
Pre-script:
I wrote this entry on the train home after Christmas, around the 28th of December.
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As I sit here pondering the landscape of middle-Ontario, returning from my all-too brief visit with my family for the holiday season, I begin to wonder what will happen in the coming year. Of course, by my very nature, my ponderings begin with introspection. Inspired by the planning that K and I have begun to do on a regular basis, I’ve set aside a detailed plan for the year’s finances and goals. But it occurred to me after I laid everything in that MS Word table that the plan only represents what is bare and basic about the future. What aren’t in the plan are the little things. Much to K’s frustration, I tend towards the little things, the small details of life, the universe, and everything. I’ve always felt that I had better control over those types of details. And so the plan I’ve made seems a bit airy and hollow because I am not used to thinking in those terms. At this point, reader, you are probably thinking that these large things I am talking about are anything but elusive and insubstantial. Rest assured that this is a lesson that I am learning rather quickly.
The large things in life are the ones that I’ve always thought of as out of my control – or, to put that more honestly, they are the things that I’ve always either let other people worry about, or just allowed to happen naturally without too much interference on my part. Luckily enough, the big things that I’ve let go have worked in my favour, so far. I have a fantastic life complete with love, friendship, and stability – and I haven’t had to sacrifice any of my set-in ways. I am still able to sit and play video-games when I feel like it. I can spend an evening watching television if I choose. I can go out and get a good meal, or have one brought to the apartment within half an hour. I have the most understanding and thoughtful girlfriend in the world, not to mention the most beautiful, kind, and intelligent. Hell, even our cats are well behaved and perfect. I’ve got a good job where I get to work with good people and learn good things. I have an education – which in any form is something that we can often take for granted. I have a good roof over my head and many nice things.
So far, most of this has been effortless. Whether this is the result of surrounding myself with good people, or the ingrained effects of a great upbringing (thanks Mom and Dad), I cannot tell. Although I have worked hard when I have had to, I am not naïve enough to think that my hard work alone has earned these things just as I am sure that my luck is not boundless. I am at an interesting junction in life. I’ve just ended the student phase and I am, for the first time, completely in charge of my fate – which is to say that there is no one who will tell me that I have to have this paper finished by Tuesday, or an exam on Friday, or that I will graduate next June, for example. It is a time that I have always thought would be a great and happy time, and my expectations have been met. The one thing that I got dead wrong was that it will be a time of leisure.
During my life as a student, I always looked forward to having “free-time” when I could go out for beers, vegetate, watch television, and generally do what I want. I always found this amid the scarce work I did in my undergrad degree. I always had a summer job (except for that one unfortunate summer), and so I was always kept busy. All along, I was under the impression that once I finished university, I would be able to live my life. As a student who didn’t worry about the little things, I never bothered to spend time learning things that would be needed in the future. I never read “The Wealthy Barber”, I never learnt to do my taxes, I never read to learn anything outside of the classroom. Since I didn’t change any of this, the past eight months have been a study in how not to transition from student (dependent) to adult (independent). The past few weeks, however, have been an eye opening time. A great friend recently made it clear how much need I was in of a reestablishment of my priorities, goals, and wants in life. When faced with questions of the future, it was easy as a student to say “things will be different when I graduate” or “it all depends on what I do when I finish” and in my fashion, I would exacerbate this trap by not thinking of the big things.
Of course, there are no definite life changing dates anymore for me, except for the ones I set myself. No one is going to tell me that I need to do this or that, and if I want to get ahead in life, I had better figure out how to do it myself. I have no one to look to or to blame for the way the next 80-plus years (hooray for modern medicine!) of my life will turn out but me. So not only do I have to figure out how to make my life better, I have to start to give back and make the lives of those around me better as well. The same great friend mentioned above also showed me the value of giving, trying in vain to show this to me for years and years, and leading by example. I think I’ve figured it out. I think I’ve come to understand the greatest big thing there is to think about, and that is that I have a life to live. It is high time that I start to take it into my own hands and live it as best I can, as kindly as I can, as generously as I can, as intelligently as I can, and as quickly as I can. I have precious few short years to get my act together before I again change from being an independent to something far greater.
D.
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Post-script:
Since then, I have not played any video games and I have put in action much of the revelations that came to light during this meditation - I think. Here's to 361 more great days.
I wrote this entry on the train home after Christmas, around the 28th of December.
--------------
As I sit here pondering the landscape of middle-Ontario, returning from my all-too brief visit with my family for the holiday season, I begin to wonder what will happen in the coming year. Of course, by my very nature, my ponderings begin with introspection. Inspired by the planning that K and I have begun to do on a regular basis, I’ve set aside a detailed plan for the year’s finances and goals. But it occurred to me after I laid everything in that MS Word table that the plan only represents what is bare and basic about the future. What aren’t in the plan are the little things. Much to K’s frustration, I tend towards the little things, the small details of life, the universe, and everything. I’ve always felt that I had better control over those types of details. And so the plan I’ve made seems a bit airy and hollow because I am not used to thinking in those terms. At this point, reader, you are probably thinking that these large things I am talking about are anything but elusive and insubstantial. Rest assured that this is a lesson that I am learning rather quickly.
The large things in life are the ones that I’ve always thought of as out of my control – or, to put that more honestly, they are the things that I’ve always either let other people worry about, or just allowed to happen naturally without too much interference on my part. Luckily enough, the big things that I’ve let go have worked in my favour, so far. I have a fantastic life complete with love, friendship, and stability – and I haven’t had to sacrifice any of my set-in ways. I am still able to sit and play video-games when I feel like it. I can spend an evening watching television if I choose. I can go out and get a good meal, or have one brought to the apartment within half an hour. I have the most understanding and thoughtful girlfriend in the world, not to mention the most beautiful, kind, and intelligent. Hell, even our cats are well behaved and perfect. I’ve got a good job where I get to work with good people and learn good things. I have an education – which in any form is something that we can often take for granted. I have a good roof over my head and many nice things.
So far, most of this has been effortless. Whether this is the result of surrounding myself with good people, or the ingrained effects of a great upbringing (thanks Mom and Dad), I cannot tell. Although I have worked hard when I have had to, I am not naïve enough to think that my hard work alone has earned these things just as I am sure that my luck is not boundless. I am at an interesting junction in life. I’ve just ended the student phase and I am, for the first time, completely in charge of my fate – which is to say that there is no one who will tell me that I have to have this paper finished by Tuesday, or an exam on Friday, or that I will graduate next June, for example. It is a time that I have always thought would be a great and happy time, and my expectations have been met. The one thing that I got dead wrong was that it will be a time of leisure.
During my life as a student, I always looked forward to having “free-time” when I could go out for beers, vegetate, watch television, and generally do what I want. I always found this amid the scarce work I did in my undergrad degree. I always had a summer job (except for that one unfortunate summer), and so I was always kept busy. All along, I was under the impression that once I finished university, I would be able to live my life. As a student who didn’t worry about the little things, I never bothered to spend time learning things that would be needed in the future. I never read “The Wealthy Barber”, I never learnt to do my taxes, I never read to learn anything outside of the classroom. Since I didn’t change any of this, the past eight months have been a study in how not to transition from student (dependent) to adult (independent). The past few weeks, however, have been an eye opening time. A great friend recently made it clear how much need I was in of a reestablishment of my priorities, goals, and wants in life. When faced with questions of the future, it was easy as a student to say “things will be different when I graduate” or “it all depends on what I do when I finish” and in my fashion, I would exacerbate this trap by not thinking of the big things.
Of course, there are no definite life changing dates anymore for me, except for the ones I set myself. No one is going to tell me that I need to do this or that, and if I want to get ahead in life, I had better figure out how to do it myself. I have no one to look to or to blame for the way the next 80-plus years (hooray for modern medicine!) of my life will turn out but me. So not only do I have to figure out how to make my life better, I have to start to give back and make the lives of those around me better as well. The same great friend mentioned above also showed me the value of giving, trying in vain to show this to me for years and years, and leading by example. I think I’ve figured it out. I think I’ve come to understand the greatest big thing there is to think about, and that is that I have a life to live. It is high time that I start to take it into my own hands and live it as best I can, as kindly as I can, as generously as I can, as intelligently as I can, and as quickly as I can. I have precious few short years to get my act together before I again change from being an independent to something far greater.
D.
--------------
Post-script:
Since then, I have not played any video games and I have put in action much of the revelations that came to light during this meditation - I think. Here's to 361 more great days.
