The Black Hole
As I mentioned a couple of times in recent entries, K and I have found a new set of bricks, drywall, and wiring to call home. Although we only moved four blocks west and half a block north, I like to say that we’ve actually moved up. The new place is bright, clean, and secure, has tonnes of character, a sunroom, tiled bathroom floors, and is apparently situated in a black hole.
I had a roommate once, long ago when I lived in the other end of the city, named the White Lightning. He fought crime at night. Sadly, we’ve lost touch over the years. He used to amuse himself while we would watch TV by quietly whispering from across our living room “nobody loves you…” He was trying to subliminally destroy my self-esteem and self-worth. I think he did it because I was ahead one series of best-of-seven series to none in our ongoing living-room sock-hockey tourney. Anyway, in this black hole that is our new apartment, I am feeling less than loved by the various people who are being paid for various services that K and I expect. Here’s the list:
1 – Rogers
Never in my life have I had to deal with so much incompetence on a telephone. And to make matters worse, said telephone was on payphone because of said incompetence. Rogers was supposed to come and install our cable, phone, and internet on the day after our move. I took that day off work to unpack, rest a bit, and get all the Rogers related business taken care of. On a whim, I decided to stop at a payphone on the morning in question to confirm the appointment, only to find that they had no record of it.
Rogers Tool - We’ll call you when an appointment opens up.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - But I don’t have a phone.
Rogers Tool - You don’t have a phone?
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - No, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T HOOKED IT UP YET!!
Rogers Tool - Oh. Well we need to confirm that someone will be home before we send someone over.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - How exactly do you set up new phone lines if you have to call to confirm before you set up the phone?
Rogers Tool - I don’t know.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - Well, I will confirm to you that I will be home between 2:00 and 5:00 today.
Rogers Tool - Oh, we can’t do that.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - Okay, figure it out and I will call back in an hour.
Rogers Tool - Okay. Have we answered all of your questions today?
Distraught New Apartment Dweller -click-
Three days and four hours on hold at various pay phones around the new neighbourhood later, we had internet and cable, but still no phone. A guy did come to plug the phone into the wall. He went back and forth between his van and the apartment for half an hour, only to disappeared. An hour later, I called from a payphone to find out what was going on, only to go through the same old routine.
“The guy just left?”
“Yes.”
“You should have received a call letting you know that there was a problem with your phone.”
- click –
2 – UPS
K bought us an air conditioner from Costco and arranged to have it shipped to our apartment. After coming to the conclusion that there was no possible way to arrange to have the package delivered to us after 5:00 (is that such a strange request?) we opted to have it sent to a friend who is home on weekdays. After two days without a result, I called again.
UPS Tool – Hmmm…. It says here that there were two attempted deliveries, then an address change, then… nothing.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy - Nothing?
UPS Tool - Nothing.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy - Do you think you could tell me why?
UPS Tool – Let me check with my supervisor.
5 minutes later
UPS Tool – We don’t know why.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy – Okay, can you send it then please?
UPS Tool – Sure! We’ll call you before 11:00 to confirm.
That was two days ago and we still haven’t heard anything. I really wonder about people sometimes.
These recent experiences have also solidified my extreme dislike for automated phone systems. They serve no purpose whatsoever. With Rogers, for example, I spent the first 15 minutes of every phone call inputting my phone number, my postal code, and my shirt measurements (so that when I loose my shirt, they’ll know which employee to give it to) before proceeding the next menu - “Do you want help with Roger’s phone, cable or internet services?” The answer is “all of them!” but since that isn’t an option I would amuse myself by choosing a different option every time. Oddly enough, the cable option will get you the quickest service, but no matter which option you choose, the same person will answer and ask you the same questions again. Turns out that those phone systems are all just there to sell you more stuff, make you wait longer and give you the illusion that the company you are dealing with isn’t run by a group of a Noah’s Ark of crack addicted animals. Seriously, ask anyone who works for Bell or Rogers!
So, with the knowledge that no one from either Rogers or UPS loves me, I continue to wait for our new air conditioner and let the loathing for Rogers – who now controls our cable, TV, and internet – to secretly ferment close beneath my calm and composed exterior.
D.
post-script: It must be mentioned that K came to my rescue with Rogers. She's got fantastic phone skills. We now have all of our services hooked up as well as two weeks of free service.
post-post script: Here's what I imagine every time I am on the phone with someone stupid: Dead Parrot
I had a roommate once, long ago when I lived in the other end of the city, named the White Lightning. He fought crime at night. Sadly, we’ve lost touch over the years. He used to amuse himself while we would watch TV by quietly whispering from across our living room “nobody loves you…” He was trying to subliminally destroy my self-esteem and self-worth. I think he did it because I was ahead one series of best-of-seven series to none in our ongoing living-room sock-hockey tourney. Anyway, in this black hole that is our new apartment, I am feeling less than loved by the various people who are being paid for various services that K and I expect. Here’s the list:
1 – Rogers
Never in my life have I had to deal with so much incompetence on a telephone. And to make matters worse, said telephone was on payphone because of said incompetence. Rogers was supposed to come and install our cable, phone, and internet on the day after our move. I took that day off work to unpack, rest a bit, and get all the Rogers related business taken care of. On a whim, I decided to stop at a payphone on the morning in question to confirm the appointment, only to find that they had no record of it.
Rogers Tool - We’ll call you when an appointment opens up.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - But I don’t have a phone.
Rogers Tool - You don’t have a phone?
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - No, BECAUSE YOU HAVEN’T HOOKED IT UP YET!!
Rogers Tool - Oh. Well we need to confirm that someone will be home before we send someone over.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - How exactly do you set up new phone lines if you have to call to confirm before you set up the phone?
Rogers Tool - I don’t know.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - Well, I will confirm to you that I will be home between 2:00 and 5:00 today.
Rogers Tool - Oh, we can’t do that.
Distraught New Apartment Dweller - Okay, figure it out and I will call back in an hour.
Rogers Tool - Okay. Have we answered all of your questions today?
Distraught New Apartment Dweller -click-
Three days and four hours on hold at various pay phones around the new neighbourhood later, we had internet and cable, but still no phone. A guy did come to plug the phone into the wall. He went back and forth between his van and the apartment for half an hour, only to disappeared. An hour later, I called from a payphone to find out what was going on, only to go through the same old routine.
“The guy just left?”
“Yes.”
“You should have received a call letting you know that there was a problem with your phone.”
- click –
2 – UPS
K bought us an air conditioner from Costco and arranged to have it shipped to our apartment. After coming to the conclusion that there was no possible way to arrange to have the package delivered to us after 5:00 (is that such a strange request?) we opted to have it sent to a friend who is home on weekdays. After two days without a result, I called again.
UPS Tool – Hmmm…. It says here that there were two attempted deliveries, then an address change, then… nothing.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy - Nothing?
UPS Tool - Nothing.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy - Do you think you could tell me why?
UPS Tool – Let me check with my supervisor.
5 minutes later
UPS Tool – We don’t know why.
Distraught Soon-to-be-to-hot-in-our-new-apartment Guy – Okay, can you send it then please?
UPS Tool – Sure! We’ll call you before 11:00 to confirm.
That was two days ago and we still haven’t heard anything. I really wonder about people sometimes.
These recent experiences have also solidified my extreme dislike for automated phone systems. They serve no purpose whatsoever. With Rogers, for example, I spent the first 15 minutes of every phone call inputting my phone number, my postal code, and my shirt measurements (so that when I loose my shirt, they’ll know which employee to give it to) before proceeding the next menu - “Do you want help with Roger’s phone, cable or internet services?” The answer is “all of them!” but since that isn’t an option I would amuse myself by choosing a different option every time. Oddly enough, the cable option will get you the quickest service, but no matter which option you choose, the same person will answer and ask you the same questions again. Turns out that those phone systems are all just there to sell you more stuff, make you wait longer and give you the illusion that the company you are dealing with isn’t run by a group of a Noah’s Ark of crack addicted animals. Seriously, ask anyone who works for Bell or Rogers!
So, with the knowledge that no one from either Rogers or UPS loves me, I continue to wait for our new air conditioner and let the loathing for Rogers – who now controls our cable, TV, and internet – to secretly ferment close beneath my calm and composed exterior.
D.
post-script: It must be mentioned that K came to my rescue with Rogers. She's got fantastic phone skills. We now have all of our services hooked up as well as two weeks of free service.
post-post script: Here's what I imagine every time I am on the phone with someone stupid: Dead Parrot
I hate Rogers too....soooo much, we should really start a club, kinda like that movie Fight Club without the black eyes and blood and stuff, but a club that fights for the customer service that paying customers deserve. We can hold meetings at the transmission station near my house and later we can enjoy watching stolen rogers cable on my t.v!
p.s. I call being Brad Pitt
Posted by
Anonymous |
Wednesday, May 17, 2006
What is scary is I know who posted that "Anonymous" comment. And I was coming to comment to tell you that you should expect a similar comment from "Anonymous", who obviously beat me to the punch.
Weird.
Person who is at home during the days.
Posted by
Anonymous |
Thursday, May 18, 2006